when all a love needs is to be believed in

then you wait for her to fall

shaymeless7@gmail.com — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 21:12:57 GMT

So, you know how Kala started jac_daily? WELL I REALIZED THERE WAS NO SIMILAR COMMUNITY FOR AUDREY. And that just feels very, very incomplete. Well, tah dah! audreyk_daily. (Be careful, there is a 'k' in there, someone had both created and deleted just plain audrey_daily and I couldn't get the username.)

*does a dance*

*considers getting pink hair again*

i walk these streets with a song in my head

shaymeless7@gmail.com — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 23:12:03 GMT

I had to wake up at 8:30 yesterday (WHICH WAS A SATURDAY, IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW. And if you're unaware of when Saturday is, here is a link that can help you) to go to Providence (AN HOUR AWAY) for an art field trip to RISD (Rhode Island School of Design) museum.

AH HAH BUT I HAVE TRICKED YOU. Because it was not the downer I expected it to be, it was actually a fantabulous time! The weather was sheer perfection, that part of Providence is pretty much the most beautiful part of the city, and the RISD kids had an entire part of the street blocked off and were selling artwork and jewelery and shirts and pottery and all the kind of shit you expect art students to be making. (I found pictures of it on flickr! So freaking creative.) I wish I'd had money to spend, they were selling some awesome stuff. God, I wish I had any artistic talent at all. Seeing a school like that, the energy and the creativity? It makes me really, really dislike Salve. The classes I take are great, but there's no sense of community. None at all.

It also made me miss Providence. That city will always own a piece of my heart. My grandparents constantly talk about how glad they are that my dad and I are out of there, because Providence is just so dirty and dangerous. You know, because it's a city, and therefore not just filled with white people. Which is fucking stupid. My city is gorgeous and lively and diverse and I'd rather live there than the suburbs any day.

No one else in the world cares about this, but I'm picspamming Providence. Because I can. I stole all of these pictures from the internet, I don't have any of these photography skillz.

This is Providence. This is the city I lived in for about fourteen years of my life.

This is the Providence Performing Arts Center.

The interior is one of the most beautiful things you'll ever see.

Our State House, which is beautiful on the inside too:

I miss being in there. It always felt so important.

The Big Blue Bug. I don't see him much anymore, living in Newport just doesn't take me along that highway stretch often.

Waterfire, which everyone should experience. It's just lovely.

It's not all beautiful, of course. It's a city. There's graffiti...

It's run down...

It's broken.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

all I ask is that you'll be there when I return

promise not to (try not to) fuck with your mind

shaymeless7@gmail.com — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 06:54:10 GMT

An Audrey Mix

++zip file++

//01.Stuck in America - Sugarcult
Today, I changed
It's too late
Cause everyone stayed the same
I'm gone, so long
Break out, cause I'm better off on my own

Everybody's talking about blowing up the neighborhood
Everybody's gonna break it up today
Everybody's talking about blowing up the neighborhood
Runnin’ just to get away
//

I AM DONE BEING NICE. THE ONLY THING I REGRET ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL IS NOT SHOWING YOU PATHETIC FUCKS HOW MUCH HATE I HAVE FOR YOU.

*

i burn bridges and i like it.

//02.Hit Me – The Sounds
Wake me up, I'm about to give it up
Hey hurry up, lately it's been hard enough
Try to shut me up, when you know you should wish me luck
And you could beat me up, I'm heading for the top

Hit me hard. Hit me right between the eyes
I wanna see the stars, hit me, hit me!
//

im on a bad streak right now..ill get over it.
i do what i want and dont care about consequences.. i dont like it.
i need to stop.

*

oh the self destructive things i do for entertainment.

*
DEADKING70: your more of a soldier than any dude ive ever met in my entire life
robotlove101: hahaha how
DEADKING70: your always gettin your face busted up, and u just eat it up and laugh about it. your awsome

//03.Promise – Eve 6
I spit and stutter, stuff and clutter
worries in my worried corner:
maladjusted, just untrusted, rusted,
sometimes brilliant, busted thoughts.
Think I'll stay for a while
I'm intrigued and I'm
red as a newborn, white as a corpse.

I promise not to-try not to-fuck with your mind.
I promise not to mind if you go your way and I go mine.
I promise not to lie if I'm looking you straight in the eye.
I promise not to-try not to-let you down.
//

humankind cannot stand very much reality...there are millions of people on this earth and a hand full of shitty c-list bands. none of this will ever matter.

*
i can kick your ass if i need too, but i would much rather love you.

//04. Celebrity Skin – Hole
When I wake up in my make-up
It's too early for that dress
Wilted and faded somewhere in Hollywood
I’m glad I came here
With your pound of flesh
No second billing cause you're a star now
Oh, Cinderella
They aren't sluts like you
Beautiful garbage, Beautiful dresses
Can you stand up or will you just fall down
//

shoot for hot topic this week. mexi pretty and doll.
i dont understand how i wake up some days..
it doesnt make any sense that i should be capable to.

*

i have worked my ass off the last two years and couldnt be happier then where i am right today.

//05. Portions for Foxes – Rilo Kiley
I know I'm alone if I'm with or without you
But just being around you offers me another form of relief
When the loneliness leads to bad dreams
And the bad dreams lead me to calling you
And I call you and say, "C'MERE!"

And it's bad news
Baby, I'm bad news
I'm just bad news, bad news, bad news

Because you're just damage control
For a walking corpse like me
Like you
//

hes the 555 to my 666

*

you cant kill me im already inside you.
get use to seeing me... im not going anywhere

//06. Take It To Manhattan – Straylight Run
Take it to Manhattan 'cause I don't want it.
Sell it to someone who can't live without it.
You made it for the masses, it passed unnoticed.
Dead somewhere in Kansas,
Now I've had it up to here with,
I've had enough of all of these songs
Of self-imposed unhappiness.
//

everyone i have ever had the pleasure of meeting never caesus to amaze me when they become artifical..i just smile and play the game. i figure being you until you die is punishment enough.

//07. Something To Do With My Hands – Her Space Holiday
You know it saves me to think even for a little while
I owned the set of shoulders that you came to rely on
Like in that movie theater when you whispered in my ear
I almost didn't make it
This has been my hardest year
Your job is killing you faster than a cancer could
So now you're giving up like they always said you would
You've got that old map out now and you found the farthest town
You hope that if you're lucky this is where you'll settle down

I don't care where you move
I don't care if it's far
All that I ask is that I know where you are
In case our timing is right
In case you need more from me
Than a bit of advice
Or a tongue full of sympathy
//

we have established that we are best friends with the same insane mind

*
ahh jac i miss you so much :( soon i need you <3 im always here for you and always will be

//08. Oboes Bleat and Triangles Tink – Say Hi
Silly girl, we can't just stop
But we can do something else if you want
We can fly a kite in a lightning storm,
but we can't stop this thing from what it's gonna be

Silly girl, that's just the way it is
How atoms turn to planets eventually
And oboes will bleat and the triangles tink,
but we can't stop this thing from what it's gonna be.
//

this week could be the first week of the rest of our lives.
finally starting what we were ment to do.

*

god i love you so much. we will dominate. and i would bey mt life on it.

//09. Suicide Blonde – Jack’s Mannequin
I saw the post office from the book
On my way to the west side
Going broke but I'm feeling good
I brought my girl to keep me with it

She's a suicide blonde
Dyed by her own hand, ooh.
Suicide blonde.
She's part of the big plan,
She's part of the big plan
//

i wouldnt change a thing in my life if you payed me.

*

If I fall asleep with my TV on, you would change it to the Weather Channel instead of shutting it off. If I turn my back on you, you will tell me you would still give me the world as long as I'm there to take it. We go for weeks without talking to each other but when we see each other it's as if we have always been friends. You would get in the bubble bath with me even though we didn't fit inside and we were cold because there wasn't enough water. If I am sad or lonely and need someone to talk to, you will wake me up at 3am and invite me over and cook for me. Your favorite time of the day is when I take my make up and put my hair up before I go to sleep because that is when I look the most beautiful you would say.

//10. Anything, Anything – Dramarama
I'm so sick of you tonight
You never stay awake when I get home
Is something wrong with me?
Is something wrong with you?
I really wish I knew wish I knew wish I knew

I'll give you candy, give you diamonds, give you pills
I'll give you anything you want--
hundred-dollar bills
I'll even let you watch the shows you wanna see
Because you marry me marry me marry me
Marry me marry me marry me
//

today was just a reminder that its real and there to fuck you up

*

if you talk too much my head will explode

//11. Maybe, This Time – Ok Go
You must have mastered this
The fragile art of a good excuse
The little things that get you to believe
that get you to believe

So listen, I’m not trying to prove anything at all here
But don’t you think that maybe, this time, you were wrong?
//

its not your fault that youre always wrong

*

i know that you know that i dont back down to no one

//12. Wake Up Exhausted – Tegan & Sara
i hated this city
before you came here
so let go
and move on
we're strangers
we're not friends
i hate this
and i hate them

this city's exhausted
and it's wound up
soon to be a place
that's just filled up
and i find out
that you're angry
and you're sorry
you ever met me
//

monsters are everywhere in my house

*

im not human.
i hate them.

//13. All Hail the Heartbreaker – The Spill Canvas
I will sleep another day
I don't really need to anyway
What's the point when my dreams are infected
with words you used to say
I will breathe in a moment
As long as I keep my distance
I wouldn't want to go messing anything up

So don't go worrying about me
It's not like I think about this constantly
So maybe I do, but that shouldn't
affect your life anymore
I knew it the moment you walked into the door
//

i use too stay awake as long as possible before i eventually passed out because i have the worst dreams every night.. now i look forward too them.

//14. Not A Pretty Girl – Ani DiFranco
i am not an angry girl
but it seems like i've got everyone fooled
every time i say something they find hard to hear
they chalk it up to my anger
and never to their own fear
and imagine you're a girl
just trying to finally come clean
knowing full well they'd prefer you
were dirty and smiling

and i am sorry
i am not a maiden fair
and i am not a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere

and generally my generation
wouldn't be caught dead working for the man
and generally i agree with them
trouble is you gotta have yourself an alternate plan
and i have earned my disillusionment
i have been working all of my life
and i am a patriot
i have been fighting the good fight
//

best thing i can say is never let anyone step on you or even think of treating you of anything more the worth. people confuse arrogant and conceited with pride..and ill tell you what.. i have a god damn colassal amount of fucking pride.

*

i am way to busy to give a shit about anyone elses drama base life. but i can tell you this... i will stick up for myself till the day i die for pride sake. if that makes me a bitch.. then so be it.. but answer me this.. if im a bitch for sticking up for myself because you attack me with random slander for no reaosn.. what does that make you?

//15. All My Friends – Counting Crows
Caught some grief from a falling leaf
As she tumbled into the dirty ground
And said I should have put her back there if I could
Well everyone needs a better day
And I'm tryin' to find me a better way
To get through the things I do and the things I should

All my friends and lovers
Will leave me alone
To try to have a little fun
One way or another
I just wish I had known
To go out walking in the sun
To find out if you were the one
//

everyone leaving and dieing on me is the only stagnant..
the only constant i have in my life.
we make our own ghosts and give them permission to haunt us

//16. The First Single (Cause a Scene) – The Format
So let’s make a list of who we need
It’s not much, if anything
Make a list of who we need
And we’ll throw it away
‘Cause we don’t need anyone
No, we don’t need anyone

You know me
Or you think you do
You just don’t seem to see
I’ve been waiting all this time
To be something I can’t define
So let’s cause a scene
Clap our hands and stomp our feet or something
Yeah, something
I just gotta get myself over me
And I hate what I’ve become
//

i guess if i wasnt so focused and busy i might be able to understand why people are so consumed with hating others for living there own lives. i hold no ones hand .. no one held mine and i turned out ok.

being dependant on anything is a curse.

//17. Dirty Business – The Dresden Dolls
To all the ones who tried the most was I supposed to cheer your efforts
Sorry that I chose so poorly
Golly gee am I the poster girl

…

To all the ones that hated me the most, a toast
you really had me going for second
I was nervous
boy am I the poster girl
for some suburban sickness
Better keep a healthy distance
Now its up to you know what to do
it's pretty dirty business
//

everyone spends so much time worrying about the past and future that the now is practicly not even a time anymore. im one to talk i should take my own advice i live such a fast pace life i cant even sit in a resturant for 5 min after i finish eating always go go go. you only live once dont waste your time with others if they dont make you happy and dont think about yesterday because you will never go back.. unnless of course you find the fluxcapasitor then call me.

//18. Look Up – Stars
Your boy is like a memory
With some sense of touch and a melody
Your girl she's a renegade
A hurricane that keeps you there, safe
Hurricane that keeps you there, safe

You're cold maybe you just miss the sun
You fall feeling like it's just begun
So far keeping it together's been enough
But look up the rain is falling
Looks like love
//

Im learning to take one day at a time... puts everything into prospective. The universe will take care of the rest.

Companion Jac mix!
*Note: the best way to listen to these mixes is to put them, alternating song by song, on a playlist. The contrast is too awesome. (In our combined!mix we started with Stuck in America, followed by Watch the Sky, but you can do it the other way and it'll make sense, I'm sure.)

phase two

shaymeless7@gmail.com — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 00:38:56 GMT

Friends cut

It's truly nothing personal to those of you I cut, I just couldn't keep up with my flist anymore and I'm hoping to keep it down to people I've connected with or talk to a lot. If you want to talk to me about it, comments are screened, so feel free to leave one. I wish you all the best.

i could lie awake for hours, wrapped in every brilliant bloom

shaymeless7@gmail.com — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 23:04:45 GMT

I FEEL LIKE I'M SPAMMING YOU GUYS WITH THIS SHIT KIND OF, BUT JUST IN CASE ANYONE HASN'T SEEN IT YET...

yinyangggg

YOUR SOURCE FOR ALL OF JAC AND AUDREY'S DAILY UPDATES!

It's friends only so we can keep a fairly bitch-free environment (well, we're hoping) so you'll have to friend it to see any of the updates. And if uh, any of you know anyone who might be interested in the community, if you could pimp it out? WE WOULD APPRECIATE IT SO MUCH.

Kala even made banners to pimp with!

<a href="http://yinyangggg.livejournal.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i465.photobucket.com/albums/rr11/yinyang_love/promobanner3.png" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

<a href="http://yinyangggg.livejournal.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i465.photobucket.com/albums/rr11/yinyang_love/promobanner4.png" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

And we have them bigger! For...bigger pimping? IDK, I PUT ONE IN MY PROFILE BUT I WOULDN'T ASK ANYONE ELSE TO DO THAT UNLESS THEY WANTED TO.

<a href="http://yinyangggg.livejournal.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i465.photobucket.com/albums/rr11/yinyang_love/promobanner2.png" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

<a href="http://yinyangggg.livejournal.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i465.photobucket.com/albums/rr11/yinyang_love/promobanner1.png" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

THANKS GUYS!

tell me love, where do we go?

shaymeless7@gmail.com — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 23:24:36 GMT

UH...HEY GUYS. I took an accidental hiatus and abandoned you all! I'M SORRY. SOMETIMES I FAIL EPIC AMOUNTS.

And I have some new friends so that was really bad timing, I haven't really had a chance to get to know you yet and I'm already acting like an awful, spazzy friend. I'M SORRY. I'LL TRY TO DO BETTER.

I had a truly fantastic Thanksgiving, like...the best one in awhile, I legit had fun the entire time. My family is crazy but fun. Also, I was sleep deprived! This helps me be less socially awkward around family members! \o/ NOW I KNOW THE SECRET. And I dragged my dad to see Twilight on Friday (SECOND TIME AROUND, IT IS EVEN MORE LOLARIOUS AND DAZZLING) and he was amused. And would see the second one. I love my dad. (On Thursday, my four year old cousin was running around and saying he was a vampire, so my dad asked if he sparkled. BEFORE HE EVEN SAW THE MOVIE, MIND YOU. So much win.)

So uh, since I left y'all without warning, how about an Audrey picspam to make up for it? (KALA DID HER JAC ONE AND NOW I'LL DO AN AUDREY ONE. SEE HOW IT WORKS?)

SO UH, THIS WAS ORIGINALLY GOING TO BE A PICSPAM OF AUDREY SMILING, BUT THEN I GOT DISTRACTED BY HOW PRETTY SHE IS, JUST GENERALLY SPEAKING.

Seriously, you guys. Look at her face.

But there will be smiles. Oh, don't you worry. She's going to smile your face off.

Think like a Queen. A Queen is not afraid to fail, failure is another steping stone to greatness.

OH AND QUOTES TOO? YEAH, SNAP, THIS PICSPAM HAS GOT IT ALL.

DRUNK AUDREY IS DRUNK AND HILARIOUS.

Hanna Beth used to make Audrey smile! Which kind of just makes me sad now.

They were not perfect but they were always there.

Look what I found! I call him peanut butter

This world scares the crap out of me. When all is said and done you will always have what you have been passionate about from the start.

Remember when Jac Vanek used to make Audrey smile? Yeah, me too. *sigh*

BUT EVEN WITHOUT JAC SHE IS STILL THE CUTEST EVER OH MY GOD, LOOK AT HER BIRTHDAY PARTY.

I love all my friends so much.. that is all that matters. If you surround yourself with the right people you will always be happy no matter what.

Heart shaped sunglasses make Audrey happy!

And Minnie Mouse ears!

And...falling down drunk? ME TOO, AUDREY. ME TOO.

Hope everyone is in good spirits today. This week and next week are very important. Positive energy brings positive potential.

I love when she takes pictures without makeup. She's still amazingly pretty, but in a much plainer way. It's fantastic.

If your having a sad time or a bad day... try not to fret I bet this kitten is way more bummed out on life then you right now. That is your positive motivation for the day. Make a mental note of it.

When im stressed out my advice is to get some cake or bake cookies, light candles, watch your favorite movies and live for that moment.

I am such a dog lover. I love dogs more then anything but i am not allowed to have dogs where i live.. for the price im paying i should be able to have horses.

If youre scared to look ugly and take yourself too serious then get out of the game.

OH MY GOD BB AUDREYYYYYYYY.

It hurts my heart to watch someone you loved on a downward spiral this is your wakeup call, when your out you will get your life together and start over...or i will have to come kick your ass.

...she really will kick your ass. Yes please.

AHDHJFKKFKKJL; AUDREY LOOKING UNDER GIRL'S SKIRTS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

I have rekindled my love for Grease. I would of been Frenchy.. i still kinda am. I graduated beauty school though one point for me! ...but I am a spelling school drop out. I have this memory of getting called out first in the spelling bee and i could not spell dollar. I still have trouble. (It's okay bb, we love you anyways)

Im seeing Twilight day it opens... cause i love Kristin Stewart and im a nerd. Shhh.

I just realized i wasn't a artist.. but who was i a model? That didn't seem to fit either.

My true soul is in fashion and art. The world is going through some scary and uncertain changes right now. You have to know who you are and what really matters in life in order to be strong.

♥ Audrey forever and ever and ever.

every breath a little more pale

shaymeless7@gmail.com — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 00:58:54 GMT

HAH HAH I FINISHED MY HOMEWORK IN A TIMELY FASHION. I've just been kicking ass and taking names today, apparently.

So in celebration, here's the snippet of my epic Jac/Audrey NaNo. IT WAS HARD TO PICK A PART TO SHARE, AND IT MIGHT SUCK A LOT. ALSO IT IS AS YET UNNAMED. BUT HERE YOU GO.

jac/audrey
1,247
Whatever. All Audrey knows is that Jac turns and smiles and something changes. Her hair is this ridiculous shade of blonde that Audrey’s been trying to achieve for the past like, eight months or something, but she’s pretty sure Jac’s is completely natural. Bitch.

It all starts the minute Brendon grabs Audrey by the hand and says “Aud, Aud, this is Ryan, he does the kickass guitar and the lyrics and shit.” Ryan nods and smiles faintly, and then Brendon points to the girl standing next to him. “Oh, and this is Jac.”

And then she turns.

But really, it starts when Brendon catches her eye at the show, and does a little shimmy her way, and Audrey can’t help but smile.

Or maybe it starts when Lizz calls her a fucking whore and trashes her apartment and Audrey decides she’s done with girls, forever, because they’re all crazy motherfuckers who come with all kinds of drama and games and she’s got enough of that all in her own head, thank you.

Whatever. All Audrey knows is that Jac turns and smiles and something changes. Her hair is this ridiculous shade of blonde that Audrey’s been trying to achieve for the past like, eight months or something, but she’s pretty sure Jac’s is completely natural. Bitch. She’s clinging to Ryan like he’s going to float away if she lets go, and normally Audrey would sneer at a girl like that, but there’s something more genuine about it with Jac. Which makes it all the more annoying.

“Hey, I’ve heard a lot about you from Brendon,” Jac says, and Audrey is momentarily shocked by how deep her voice is. She would have expected something more blonde. Not that blonde has a voice exactly, but. Whatever she imagined, this wasn’t it.

“Hi, yeah, I haven’t heard anything about you from Brendon,” Audrey says, and fuck, she sounds stupid. She turns to Brendon for help, but of course he’s gone. She’s only explained to him, oh, eighty times about how goddamn awkward she is around people she’s just met. But fine, it’s going to be just fucking fine. She takes a deep breath and attempts a friendly smile. “Uh, Jac. Is that your real name?”

“Yeah, but my parents weren’t fucking weird or anything, it’s short for Jacquelene,” Jac says, pausing to take a sip from some red cup. “Is Audrey your real name?”

Audrey grimaces. “Unfortunately.”

“What, you don’t like it?” Jac asks, smirking a little, and Audrey swears to god this is one of the stupidest first conversations she’s ever had in her life. Gnomes are more interesting topics of conversation.

“Uh, not really. It doesn’t matter,” and Audrey looks around desperately seeking an exit plan, “How did you and Ryan meet?” she asks, and mentally facepalms. Like that’s really something she wants to know.

Jac bursts out laughing, and okay, it’s kind of infectious. Kind of.

“Oh god, Ryan’ll get pissed if I tell you, but whatever,” and Audrey notices for the first time that Ryan’s not still standing there. Jac hooks her arm around Audrey’s and pulls her onto some couch that smells like vomit and lemon. She offers her a sip of whatever she’s drinking, but Audrey declines, pulling her skirt down a little and looking nervously at the offending couch.

Jac rolls her eyes and gestures at it, “Oh yeah, the couch smells like death, but don’t worry. Some tech puked during the show, I watched them clean it up. It’s totally fine now. Disinfected and everything. So, okay, Ryan,” she says with a smile in her words and grasps Audrey’s hand. This girl is violating like, all of Audrey’s personal space boundaries, but she’s treating Audrey like she hasn’t heard all the stories about what a bitch she is, and it’s kind of nice. Besides, her personal space is kind of nonexistent since she started dating Brendon.

Jac launches into a story about Ryan stalking her on her livejournal, and Audrey can’t stop herself from laughing when Jac does, or taking the cup the next time Jac offers it, and the next time, and the next time. By the time Jac mentions the diner next door with seven varieties of pie, Audrey is pretty sure she’d be up for anything.

They sneak out, giggling, and Audrey is completely weirded out by how much she doesn’t want to make some excuse and leave Jac alone in the tiny diner. She’s socially retarded most of the time, but Jac makes it feel almost easy. And her hair is so shiny and Audrey thinks maybe she could stare at it for like, ever.

“I feel like I should have left someone a note, but I’m just so fucking hungry. There’s never enough food at those shitty post-show parties,” Jac says, surreptitiously emptying a tiny bottle of Kahlua into her coffee.

Audrey rolls her eyes and stabs a piece of pie with her fork. “Fuck them, they’ll find us if they need to. Brendon will hear the call of my Hello Kitty necklace or something,” she says, which would be funnier if it wasn’t completely true.

Jac laughs, a little too loud, bits of pie falling out of her mouth. “Yeah, well. I’m just going to text Ryan,” she says, pulling a Sidekick out her purse. She flips it open and starts typing, all slow and careful.

Audrey boos and throws a crumpled up napkin at Jac’s head. “Ugh, what’s the point of sneaking out if you’re going to tell someone where we are? You’re ruining our ninja-osity,” and okay sure, Audrey’s making it a joke, but part of her is slightly annoyed that Jac isn’t devoting all her attention to her anymore.

Jac shrugs. “Whatever, I’m not the one who yelled ‘bye’ to the entire party as we were leaving.”

“That was a distraction tactic,” Audrey replies, “I had a plan, and it was awesome.”

The buzzing from Jac’s phone interrupts her, and Jac grabs it and reads the message quickly. “Well, shit.” She looks at Audrey, then back at the phone. “I’m pretty sure he’s pissed at me.”

Audrey shrugs. “So? Tell him we’ll bring him back some pie or whatever, he’ll get over it.”

Jac sighs and stares at the phone, and Audrey’s been friends with too many girls with stupid boyfriends to not figure out exactly what’s going to happen in the next few minutes. Fuck, whatever, she’s not going to waste time on the back and forth bullshit.

“Jac, if you need to like…go blow him to make up for it or whatever, I don’t really care.”

Jac laughs, but it’s not the giggly laugh that’s been capturing Audrey all night, and Audrey’s already over the whole fucking thing.

“Are you sure? I mean. I don’t want to abandon you,” Jac says, clutching her phone the same way she held on to Ryan earlier, pathetically desperate and endearingly sweet all at the same time.

Audrey rolls her eyes. “It’s fine, seriously. Just do me a favor and tell Brendon I caught a cab.”

Jac throws her phone in her purse and pulls out a few bills, tossing them on the table. “Shit, thank you so much Aud, I owe you. I’m going to call you tomorrow, okay?”

Audrey is about to snap something about how her name is Audrey, thanks, sharing alcohol and pie and stupid stories and having perfect fucking hair isn’t enough to earn the right to call her Aud, but Jac leans over and kisses her on the cheek, and Audrey can feel the anger drain right out.

She waits until Jac hurries out the door before she reaches across the table for her coffee and Kahlua, and thinks, well, I’m completely fucked.

just wanna let you know, i'm still a fan

shaymeless7@gmail.com — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 03:50:22 GMT

So I promised you bitches a spam, and you're getting a goddamn spam, alright?

IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SMALL, BUT THEN IT JUST KIND OF...EXPLODED. IDK.

This picspam is ridiculously random. I was going to make a general girls picspam, but then....I got lazy. So it's sort of a lot of Audrey and Jac, and random amounts of other girls that came from whenever I saw a picture and said "Oooh."

DO NOT EXPECT ORDER, THERE IS NONE.

Oh hey, let's start it off with Panic girlfriends!

Hot!Ashlee!

JAC VANEK, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE.

Bein' ridiculous, obvs.

I've neglected Hanna Beth in pictures lately. I'M SORRY BB, YOU'RE SO CUTE.

Littlest Audrey! YEAH, I'M COVERING ALL MY BASES.

This is supposed to be Audrey and Brendon. Doing things. Silly thing. Cute things.

UM AUDREY IS TAKING OVER IDK WHAT TO DO.

I guess I can just be really, really happy. *chinhands*

She's so adorable, even with exceptionally bad hair.

Sometimes I just sit and stare in awe at how truly terrible it was.

ASDFHFJKFKFJF; SHE IS SO VULNERABLE IN THIS PICTURE I CANNOT HANDLE IT.

Oh hey, what's up Jac, you want to be in this picspam too?

AND HANNA BETH WITH SILLY HAIR? Guys, guys, let's not have a mutiny here.

It's Audrey's show, after all.

I don't think she likes the idea of sharing the spotlight. It's just a feeling I get from her crinkly adorable nose.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'M SORRY, HANNA APPARENTLY HAD TO INTERRUPT WITH WHAT MAY POSSIBLY BE THE BIGGEST LIE EVER TOLD ON A T-SHIRT.

Audrey says "OFF WITH THE HORSE HEAD, TRACE CYRUS"

Oh, oh, guysssss. Alicia is here! I went and saved a fuckload of Alicia pictures today, so she's joining the party. (Whatever, she's hung out with Audrey and Hanna before, it's not totally out of left field.)

IDK if you all know this, but Alicia is really hot. HOT ENOUGH TO DISTRACT ME FROM AUDREY.

That's a lot of hot.

Nnnnnnnnghhhhh.

SURPRISE JAC ATTACK!

Pete says it's time for Ashlee though. I generally do what Pete Wentz asks, you know?

Especially because oh my god, I fucking love Ashlee.

YES YES YES ADOPT MILEY CYRUS INTO YOUR AMAZING FAMILY. AND THEN HAVE A REALITY SHOW ABOUT IT. PRETTY PLEASE?

Ashlee: Gorgeous while pregnant!

And gorgeous while not pregnant!

Oh um. Speaking of gorgeous.

WE INTERRUPT YOUR SPAM FOR JAC KISSING A RANDOM GIRL. THANK YOU.

...I wish pictures existed of Jac kissing Audrey. Somebody should manip the shit out of that.

I would marry Audrey Kitching. No joke. Imagine waking up to that. (P.S. FOR THOSE CONCERNED FOR WHAT THAT WOULD MEAN FOR ME AND KALA, NO WORRIES. WE ARE DOWN WITH POLYGAMY.)

Fun fact: this is my least favorite Audrey hair! I actually prefer her crazy lion hair. But she was generally more adorable with the lion hair, and I think rainbow hair coincided with Trashy Life!Audrey, which is my least favorite Audrey. IT ALL MAKES SENSE.

And now I'm going to try and lay off the commentary a little, or I'll never finish this at all.

SHE IS JUST SO CUTE I CANNOT HELP BUT SAY SOMETHING, ARGH.

Jac is going to fucking kill you with patriotism. Just you wait.

Hey, you know when Jac had red in her hair? Around the time she was biffles with Audrey.

HEY YOU KNOW HOW JAC KIND OF HAS RED IN HER HAIR AGAIN? My tinhat is on and popping, you guys. On and popping.

Alicia will fuck you up and look gorgeous doing it. I APPROVE.

YEAH JAC, YOU KNOW WHO ELSE YOU SHOULD LOVE AND SNUGGLE? AUDREY.

IN CONCLUSION: GIRLS ARE HOT.

Oh my god, bedtime for Shay. I don't even know what just happened.

just so you know, i fucking cried like a bitch while making this

shaymeless7@gmail.com — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 01:25:52 GMT

This isn't very big or anything, but Jac posted this myspace blog and while Kala reposted it yesterday, I realize not everyone is friends with my bb. So here you go, with a small picspam to match.

It's so easy to pretend I'm not home when someone is knocking at my door.
I never let anyone in.
I've lost myself under a thousand layers of sarcasm and wit and indifference.
I've lost myself in that tiny little hole.
But I can't help but see the walls are caving in.

And then there was you.
You opened the door.
Just.
This.
Once.

And for a moment, you found me.

But you ran away.

When the storm comes, I'll laugh and I'll cry and I'll run through the streets until my lungs explode.
I'll run.
Alone.
The wind is all I have.

I will follow the colors you've so carefully painted around your little head of fire.
I will follow you into the night.

Only when the hue becomes so brilliant my eyes won't shut.
Only when the trembling in my fingertips drives me mad.
I'll know I've found you.

To me, you are perfectly imperfect.
You are strange and beautiful.
But I only can see you when my eyes are closed.
So please don't wake me.
Please just let me sleep in.
Just.
This.
Once.

Maybe one day you will understand.
Maybe one day you will find me again.
I wish you would.

Maybe in another life.

-Jac

♥

cupcakes and cupcakes and...cupcakes, oh my!

shaymeless7@gmail.com — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 20:44:53 GMT

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY bsidetales! I adore you Beth bb.

Yeah, I don't know exactly what the inspiration is here, but I think it might just be awesome.

Technically there's a cake in the middle, but whatever! THE CUPCAKES LOVE YOU MORE THAN CAKE EVER WILL.

Shiny cupcake!

I JUST THOUGHT THESE WERE REALLY CUTE. They're getting marrieddd! And they're cupcakes!

MY FAVORITE KIND OF CUPCAKE PICTURES ARE THE ONES WITH MANY CUPCAKES. HEAPS OF CUPCAKES. CUPCAKES YOU COULD DROWN IN.

Kickass cupcakes! That's an awesome name for a cupcake place. When Kala's sister and I open our bakery, we're going to name it "That Shit Is Fucking Delicious." Yeah. Really.

...I don't really know what the "GOAL WIN" thing is about, but uh....be inspired, Beth! GO FOR THE GOAL! WIN! ROCK OUT WITH YOUR BAD SELF.

Goddamn Batman cupcakes.

I think these are cookie monster cupcakes, I really do, but I cannot for the life of me figure out why they're all different colors, when any Sesame Street alumni knows that cookie monster is just a rich shade of blue.

...the Fantastic Four of cupcakes? I'm not entirely sure what the deal is here, and I REALLY do not know why that one cupcake is naked. Thnks fr th cpck prn. (...cupcake porn.)

CUPCAKE HEAVEN

]

PANDAS. I WANT THEM FOR MY VERY OWN.

Wave your banners high, tiny cupcakes.

Okay, so I get that these are Mario mushroom cupcakes, but I have no idea what the deal is with angry pirate mushroom in the middle there. No idea.

This is apparently supposed to be Dracula: The Cupcake, but it just looks like a monster to me. DRACULA IS NOT RED, PLEASE AND THANK YOU, HE IS WHITE AS THE FUCKING SNOW.

I'm a little disappointed that there's no search bar. I'm just saying.

JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR

JESUS CHRIST IT'S A SKULL SUSPENDED IN A POOL OF BLOOD GET IN THE CAR

This is kind of like an autopsy of a cupcake. How sad....and delicious.

In conclusion, happy birthday Beth! May your day be filled with real cupcakes and awesomeness. ♥

it's not what good girls do

shaymeless7@gmail.com — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 04:02:18 GMT

HI, I'M ABOUT TO RANT ABOUT SOMETHING STUPID NOW.

So Miley Cyrus did something kind of stupid and took some "sexy" pictures for her boyfriend (here) and people, of course, are being judgmental little assholes about it. "OMG SHE'S DISGUSTING" "WHAT A HO" etc.

I cannot tell you how much this angers me. Like, I just. Can't. I like Miley Cyrus and all, but even if I hated her this would piss me off intensely. Oh my god, a 15 year old girl took some generally tame pictures for her boyfriend! WHAT AN AWFUL ROLE MODEL. Fucking hell.

She's fifteen years old and that's young, yes. But you know what? I remember being fifteen. I remember being fifteen and being sexual. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I don't think there's anything wrong with a high school girl exploring sexuality, as long as she's careful. Sex is fun. But I forgot, yes. Girls CAN'T be sexual. Miley Cyrus can't dare take private pictures of herself in a wet t-shirt, Audrey Kitching can't model in a bikini, Vanessa Hudgens can't take naked pictures of herself for her boyfriend. Because it's showing off your body. It's sexual. Slutty. Wrong. It sets a bad example, to be proud of your body. To want other people to see it. It's just like porn. Disgusting. Girls are supposed to be demure. No sex until marriage. Keep your legs closed, don't wear a low-cut top, what are people going to think about you?

I truly hate people sometimes. I hate double standards and I hate the instant hatred for any girl who isn't perfect and most of all, I HATE that this sort of thinking comes from people who I've generally liked in the past. What the actual fuck.

you're the only thing that's worth holding on to

shaymeless7@gmail.com — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 22:05:38 GMT

I'm listening to A Fever You Can't Sweat Out for the first time since like. March. I missed it way more than I thought I did!

So I was supposed to be cleaning my room today, but instead I accidentally went and saved about 300 more pictures of Audrey Kitching to my computer! OOPS. So now you get a small picspam!

So there's no real theme to this picspam other than "I saved this picture to my computer today". So there are a bunch of super old pictures and then a bunch of super recent ones! Okay? AWESOME.

A really old picture of Audrey being an adorable dork. BOWS! ON HER FACE!

Tired Audrey is tired!

There's nothing particularly special about this picture, I just like the fact that she's drinking Starbucks. (Unrelated: WHAT IS ALL THIS NONSENSE ABOUT STARBUCKS CLOSING EIGHTY SIX THOUSAND BILLION LOCATIONS. That makes my heart weep. Even if I like Dunkin Donuts better. I can love two things at once! I CAN.)

Oh my lord, she's adorable. Look at her precious face! And is that a Gremlin she's holding? THAT'S SO FITTING GUYS, AUDREY IS CUTE AND ADORABLE AND SWEET UNTIL YOU THROW WATER ON HER/BETRAY HER TOO!

Most of these pictures are of Audrey being adorable in one way or another. I don't know how that happened.

THE LITTLEST AUDREY IN ALL THE WORLLLLLD.

I just like the idea of Audrey! At the Tea Party. She kind of looks like a living doll anyways. Man, I wish she'd been at the tea parties I'd had as a child. What did I have? Sixty thousand teddy bears and like, a creepy doll with one eye. No thank you.

Eyeeeeeeeeees. I LOVE HER EYES.

Vulnerable Audrey is my favorite kind of Audrey!

OKAY NOW RECENT AUDREY PICTURE TIIIIIME.

Ugh, I don't even know, I think she's been looking freaking gorgeous lately.

HER MAKEUP IS SO STRANGE HERE BUT I'M INTO IT!

Pretty and feminine and just...STOP AUDREY, YOU HAVE TO STOP BEFORE I DIEEEE FROM CUTE.

I bet her hair looks incredibly adorable without the extensions in it too.

It just seems like she's doing her makeup in a more subtle way lately and I adore it.

AND I LOVE WHEN HER HAIR IS ALL CRAZY TOO. THAT'S JUST FUN TIMES.

But my favorite thing about Recent!Audrey? HOW MUCH FUN SHE SEEMS TO BE HAVING!

Happy Audrey makes me haaaaappy.

Even if I'll always miss these two. OH I'M SORRY, DID YOU THINK YOU WERE GETTING AN AUDREY SPAM WITHOUT SOME JAC TOO? HAHAHAHAHAH NO. NEVER.

Oh giiiiirls. *sigh*

HOW ABOUT SOME OLD JAC PICTURES I SAVED TODAY?

Silly Jac!

...incredibly strangely shaped Jac. This shirt does odd things to her body!

Yeah, vodka makes me do that face too.

Now recent Jac!

JAC IS FIERCE AND GREEN AND HAS SUPER PRETTY HAIR.

But like, for real, her hair has been kickass lately.

...other parts of her are nice to look at as well. Um.

Nggggglllllhhh.

BUT HER HAIR, YES. THAT. PRETTY.

And I'll leave you with one last Jac/Audrey picture.

Not gonna lie, this picture gets to me really hard. Audrey and Jac look so content with each other, and the head touching is so intimate, and it's just incredibly sweet. And I am still way too invested in this relationship. SHOCKER.

...it was a small picspam for ME anyways. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I'M LEFT UNSUPERVISED FOR THE DAY, I GUESS.

(I like how one of my first moves upon getting new friends *waves* is picspamming girls that half of fandom hates. WELCOME TO MY JOURNAL GUYS, I'M IN LOVE WITH SOME SCENE QUEENS.)

when tomorrow comes, we'll just do it all again

shaymeless7@gmail.com — Tue, 20 May 2008 22:04:51 GMT

Everyone and their mother is posting about Pete and Ashlee today, and like, I have thoughts too but they're not that interesting and Kala pretty much expressed everything I've wanted to say. SO INSTEAD, I AM GOING TO POST ABOUT SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! Age and bandom and why I sometimes feel incredibly uncomfortable being 18.

Because, okay. I'm 18 years old and I've gone to shows and been around livejournal people (some of them that I've seen at more than one show) and they've fully ignored me. And that really sucks. At the Panic show, even though I'd never met natacup82 before and didn't have her friended, I talked to her. She was from livejournal, and that's all I needed to know. Hell, I've made friends at shows who were most definitely not from livejournal. I can be socially awkward and awful at conversation sometimes, but I try. I want to meet new people of all ages and from everywhere in the world and just have an awesome time at concerts.

I don't know. It's partly my fault, I'm sure, that those LJ people ignored me. After all, I could have initiated the conversation too. But. It's hard to invite yourself into a circle of people talking. You don't know if they want you. So, situation reversed, I try to reach out and include people. Maybe that's just me.

And I can't help feeling that part of the reason that people don't want to talk to me is because, hey, I look young. I'm wearing eyeliner. I must just be another scene kid. Never mind that I clearly know other people from fandom. And that makes me so incredibly angry, to think that people could judge me that way, to look at me and think "Yeaaaah...no. Not interested in talking to her".

I'm not sorry for being 18, I'm not sorry that I think it's fun to wear eyeliner. I'm definitely not sorry that I throw myself into concerts and dance around and sing my heart out and act like a complete fool. I'm enjoying myself. Try it sometimes, especially if you're going to shell out the money to go to a concert for a band you supposedly care about. It's disappointing, because I always assumed bandom people were the best kinds of fans around. Thanks for proving me wrong! Give me the teenies that love with all of their hearts any day. I'd rather see tiny 12 year olds in ridiculously awful homemade shirts bouncing around and clearly having the time of their lives than see people standing around acting ashamed to be there. That's not being a fan. That's being a douche.

I have to go make dinner now, so I'm done ranting....for the moment. But, feel free to tell me I'm wrong, tell me I'm overreacting and taking it personally. I don't know. Maybe I am. Discussion time!

OH I'M READY FOR IT. COME ON BRING IT.

shaymeless7@gmail.com — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 22:39:45 GMT

Everyone and their mother is doing this meme. I am incredibly interested in doing it, so y'all better give me some lists.

Comment to this post with a top five you would like to see me post about (with pictures, if applicable), and I will post it in ~~my next~~ some future post. Feel free to give me multiple lists to do!

Ask me about my top five fruits for all I care. Anything. You know I love randomness.

(I'M JUST SO BORED, YOU GUYS. I'M THISCLOSE TO WRITING POETRY ABOUT PETE WENTZ'S FACE. IT'S UNFORTUNATE. Uh, the poetry. Not his face.)

okay, fine, bandom wins at april fool's day

shaymeless7@gmail.com — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 01:32:07 GMT

HAHAHAHAHAHA I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO PLAY, I LAUGHED REALLY HARD AT THIS.

THE TINYPIC LINK LINKED TO THIS:

SORRY, NO CUT, THIS IS TOO AMUSING.

nobody really knows her

shaymeless7@gmail.com — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 04:00:51 GMT

Oh wow.

So, I'm going to make this as brief as I can, but I just wanted to spread this around.

A blog entry of Keltie Colleen's in which she talks about being harassed by supposed Panic fans. It's, to be completely honest, sickening. Whatever you may think of Keltie, whether you love her or hate her, she's just a girl. And she doesn't deserve this. Christ, you guys, she's lost a job because of the hatred being put out by these people.

And because other people will always say it much better than I can, here and here are some posts about Keltie and this situation.

I just. I love this girl with all my heart, I truly do. And all she's ever done is dance, exist, and love Ryan Ross. That's it. You know, I see a lot of people saying she's only with him for the fame, but fuck that. No one would put up with this abuse unless they were in love.

And I just want to thank my friends list for being better than this. Hell, just for being normal, mature, decent people. I have friends who dislike her, which is completely fine by me! Different strokes and all that. But the blind hatred, and the idea that it is completely okay to harass her and hope for her death just because she's dating a dude in a band? Yeah. It isn't okay. And I'm just so thankful that I've surrounded myself with you guys, because I would honestly throw up if I had someone like this on my friends list. Fuck.

Scene Queen Primer PART TWO!

shaymeless7@gmail.com — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 03:44:35 GMT

This is it, you guys. I'm finally done. I'm so proud of it. I love these girls so freaking much, and I wanted to do them justice. I hope I did.

Part One Part One Continued

Post Breakup Audrey

Audrey, if it's even possible, got even MORE angry and jaded after she stopped being friends with Jac.

She apparently threw herself pretty hardcore into modeling.

Which paid off pretty well when she started modeling (HIDEOUS CLOTHING, OH MY GOD, THESE CLOTHES ARE SO UGLY) for New York Couture.

At some point she dyes her hair the famous pink that everyone knows and loves. Well, that everyone knows, anyways.

She dated Escape the Fate’s Ronnie Radke for like, six months to a year between summer 2006 and summer 2007. EVERYTHING IS VERY UNCLEAR. But they dated.

But she hasn't dated anyone since. I doubt she has the time, honestly? Half her buzznet entries talk about not sleeping, or being relieved to get a few hours of sleep.

For the most part, she's just been modeling. She's made it to the runway, which is incredibly awesome and I'm totally proud of her.

High fashion looks ridiculous! But she's still so pretty.

SO FIERCE. THERE IS STILL A LION WITHIN HER!

Sometimes lions use guns! Little known fact.

I FIND IT HARD TO COMMENT ON THESE PICTURES BECAUSE ALL I WANT TO SAY IS "OH BABY" AND HUG HER HARD.

It's like she's the prettiest princess at the baaaaall.

AUDREY SPARKLES LIKE A FAIRY!

God, she looks so pretty in black and white.

DON'T EVEN TRY TO DENY IT.

You guys, I already have two Skelanimals because of this girl, not to mention the insane amounts of clothing and other merch. And I really want a pink Skelanimal now. It’s so awful. I'm the kind of person that falls for subliminal advertising EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Audrey without makeup! I STILL THINK SHE’S BEAUTIFUL. But, you know, I’m a little biased on account of being her stalker.

Audrey was involved with Zui Suicide (from the Suicide Girls) in a project called Trashy Life from about October 2006 to August 2007. (Audrey and Zui stopped being friends. Naturally.)

Zui is apparently continuing Trashy Life without Audrey, but I never cared much for Zui, so I have no idea what’s going on with that.

Audrey’s own thoughts on her inability to keep friends:

im known for not putting up with bullshit and cutting people out soon as they start to pull that..(meaning "im a bad friend" or as i like to call it "someone as pathetic as you isnt going to try and fuck me over anymore") i have been trying to change my ways and give people more chances. all im doing is setting myself up for more of a let down.

sometimes in life you have to hurt yourself. you have to put yourself in a situation you know you will be hurt in your mind and soul. certain situations in life are much like drugs, they are bad for you, causing pain and taking over your life spiritual sense... yet you still enable yourself to keep going back for more.

i would be lying to you and myself if i said i was going to ever change.

(I don’t know if you guys have noticed, but this girl is severely fucked up, and I kind of love her for it. Hell, I seriously love her for it. I just want to sit her down and work through her issues, because I don’t think anyone ever has.)

i can kick your ass if i need too, but i would much rather love you.

dont think about yesterday because you will never go back.. unnless of course you find the fluxcapasitor then call me.

I think she regrets a lot. Or would if she let herself. I look at her and see this complete internal sadness and I suppose that’s why I’m able to forgive her for being so horrible to all of her friends.

i hold no ones hand .. no one held mine and i turned out ok.
being dependant on anything is a curse.

I love her so much, ugh. She works incredibly hard as a model, is definitely not someone I’d consider a groupie (unless dating three dudes in the past like, four years is equal to groupie status) and despite her incredibly fucked up world view, she’s still someone I have high hopes for. She’s 22 years old. She still has time to change.

BUT OKAY. Enough gushing about my Tragic Audrey.

Post Breakup Hanna Beth

Hanna Beth continued to model! Lucky for all of us. I WOULD HAVE MISSED THIS FACE.

She got a job modeling for Skelanimals, which she's still doing now as far as I can tell.

EEEEEEEE FANGS UP! HANNA BETH LOVES COBRA STARSHIP TOO, BECAUSE SHE'S AWESOME.

no one likes a girl who speaks her mind. everyone prefers someone who just sits there and listens. not me, i have an opinion about everything.. tuff love. i wear too many rings and and have a million bracelets on my left wrist. i sleep in all of them, they have become apart of me.

CUPCAKE TATTOO! How can you not fall in love with a girl that literally wants a cupcake on her wrist forever? She's so freaking adorable.

MAYBE HANNA BETH IS A JUNGLE CAT. MAYBE THESE GIRLS ARE ALL JUST THAT FIERCE.

And also hot, wow.

where do i even begin.. lately my mind has been racing, and i can't seem to get it to stop. never a dull moment.. i miss the hot summers in east hampton where i would lay in this big white room, listening to the sound of the waves crashing and the music of ryan adams. los angeles.. i can't seem to find peace.. even when i have down time, it seems fake.. i need to relax..

Hanna Beth dated Martin Johnson from Boys Like Girls from sometime in the summer of 2007 to around November. They apparently broke up because he cheated on her, which makes me like him a lot less. SHE IS SO ADORABLE AND GORGEOUS, AND MAYBE NOW I SHALL HAVE TO SLAP MARTIN UPSIDE THE HEAD WITH A WET NOODLE.

...okay, but they were super cute while they lasted.

Whatever though, Hanna's too hot for him. AND ALSO GETS AN EVEN MORE ADORABLE BOYFRIEND SOON! (Spoiler!)

Regardless of how you feel inside, always try to look like a winner. Even if you are behind, a sustained look of control and confidence can give you a mental edge that results in victory. My lips at chapped, I feel like I just ran a mile and i'm craving a peach smoothie. Good-Afternoon Los Angeles..

BEST FACE EVER. I AM GOING TO GO DO SOME IMPRESSIONS OF THIS, EXCUSE ME A MINUTE.

Hanna Beth is seriously just so pretty and sweet and one of the absolute cutest people EVER EVER. I love her unconditionally, guys, I really do.

AND I LOVE HER SO MUCH WITH TRACE CYRUS. They've been dating since around January of 2008 and they're so freaking amazing. (Trace is from the band Metro Station, and is also TOTALLY HANNAH MONTANA'S BROTHER AND BILLY RAY'S SON, IN CASE YOU WERE NOT AWARE.)

LOOK AT THEIR HATS! I HOPE THEY STAY TOGETHER FOREVER AND HAVE ADORABLY STRANGE BABIES AND ALSO MAYBE HAVE DANCE PARTIES. JUST BECAUSE I LOVE DANCE PARTIES.

Hanna Beth and Audrey

Audrey: hanna is my west coast terror twin.

Audrey and Hanna Beth basically seemed to become best friends after they stopped being friends with Jac. THEIR FRIENDSHIP WAS WONDERFUL AND CUTE BUT IT IS NOT AS AWESOME AS JAC AND AUDREY :(

They are, however, freaking gorgeous. So that's cool!

They went on Warped Tour 2007 to meet and sign things for their fans. Because they're sweet! LIKE CANDY. LET ME LICK THEM.

One thing I've hardcore noticed about Audrey is that she rarely smiles, and most of the times that I HAVE seen her smiling have been with Jac or Hanna. UH, SO I GUESS IT'S REALLY NOT GOOD THAT SHE'S NOT FRIENDS WITH EITHER OF THEM ANYMORE. Oh baby.

They were friends with Jeffree Star for a little while! (Unfortunately. This is the biggest reason why Audrey and Hanna Beth aren't friends anymore. I'LL GET BACK TO THIS LATER.)

It makes me so sad to look at them now. LOOK AT HOW CUTE THEY WERE. Going shopping together!

Getting drunk together!

Modeling together!

...shooting things together? WELL, YOU GET THE IDEA.

This was, unfortunately, the last thing Audrey and Hanna did together.

OKAY, SO, THE JEFFREE STAR STORY. Basically, Audrey had apparently been jealous of Jeffree and Hanna's friendship and had been keeping them apart by telling Hanna that Jeffree had been talking shit about her and vice versa. Hanna Beth ran into Jeffree at a party on Valentine's Day this year and they talked and figured out exactly what Audrey had done.

And apparently, Jac was ALSO at this party, and she and Hanna reunited and are besties again! Which is pretty cool, except for how I'm shaking my head sadly and thinking "Oh Audrey."

BUT LET'S TALK ABOUT JAC NOW!

Post Breakup Jac

Jac continued to take (awesome, shut up) pictures of herself!

Annnd party with her friends! (While looking SUPER CUTE!)

And randomly hang out with William Beckett? Actually, she's pretty good friends with Beckett, and Gym Class Heroes, as far as I can tell.

She had a cameo in a Cobra Starship video too!

She also manufactures her own line of bracelets. (I OWN THE RUTHLESS BRACELET, I AM SUCH A SUCKER.)

She also makes t-shirts! I do not own this. Yet.

Although for the most part, Jac disappeared from livejournal and the scene for 2007. I assume she spent most of her time studying in college!

Or just being a giant dork, whichever.

But she’s finally posting more in 2008, which is awesome for me, because like, 1/4 of my time is spent stalking her!

playing music gives you this feeling, this emotion, that nothing else can. it gives you peace, it gives you control, it gives you serenity. it makes you feel accomplished, and productive, and just...content. i don't know how to explain it, but i just feel at one with myself and the universe and the music and everything. this is just what i needed. the music will never leave you, it will never backstab you, it will never make you cry (well, you know, it won't yell at you or anything), it will always be there, ready to hug you with open arms.

its summer and i'm living it up. i started interning at the radio station KROQ here in LA. it's great, and i'm so stoked to be meeting all the sweet people that work there. i've been hanging out with lots of new friends. distancing myself from people who brought me down. its funny how meeting such legit people made me realize how others have completely used me for who i know. being heartless and using your "friends" as steps to get further in life is going to come back and bite you in the ass. karma never fails.

After Ryan and I broke up (what was this, like two years ago?), I started getting really emotionally attached to guys really fast. I’d rely on others to make me feel beautiful and complete. And I don’t know what it is, but over the past few months, I’ve just learned to not give a flying shit about guys. (And honestly, why would I? You're all a bunch of damn baboons.) I don’t NEED a boyfriend. I need to focus on ME. I know I’m beautiful. I know I’m happy. You don't need to tell me twice. And that’s a stupendous thing.

JAC VANEK IS BASICALLY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL HIPPIE IN ALL THE WORLD. I could ramble on and on about how I think she's this amazing, strong person with goals and intelligence and just, everything, but. I think you can probably tell by now how I feel about her. (And hopefully you can tell WHY.) Just, *heaaaaaarts*.

Jac and Hanna Beth

Jac: I’m so happy to have Hanna back in my life. We get along so well its insane…its like we were never apart! She’s finally rid herself of so much negative energy. I feel like we all have grown and matured so much, and we’re all going in the same direction.

Yes, that is Gabe.

I don't know what, if anything, is going to happen in the future with Audrey. But I know that I love these girls completely, no matter what they do or how stupid they are. They're beautiful, they're human, and they deserve the best. I truly believe that.

♥

Scene Queen Primer Part One! The Early Years!

shaymeless7@gmail.com — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 23:13:39 GMT

Oh my god, you guys, I cannot even tell you. I have over 2000 pictures of these three girls saved to my computer, so this was basically a HUGE FREAKING PROJECT. Picking pictures, trying to remember to give information, etc. etc. IT IS TWO PARTS. THAT'S HOW GIANT IT IS. But like, this is only part one, and it still took two entries to fully post?

Here we go.

This is Audrey Kitching

You might know her from like...life.

Or from her modeling!

Or for dating Brendon Urie!

Or, okay, if you’ve spent any time at all on my journal, you probably know her for being BFF with Jac Vanek for a little while. (WHO IS THIS MYSTERIOUS JAC VANEK? MORE ON HER LATER.)

Audrey was born on July 26, 1985. (Which currently makes her 22. NOT IN THE ABOVE PICTURE THOUGH. IN THE ABOVE PICTURE SHE WAS AN AGE THAT I PREFER NOT TO THINK ABOUT.)

She looks like this now! And has a contract which basically states that she HAS to keep her hair pink for the next few years. No, really. It's kind of her trademark, I guess.

Which honestly has to be a little frustrating, having to keep it pink. She’s managed to change it a little over the years, at least. (Still, it's nothing compared to the way she used to change it. Oh god, wait until you see what her hair used to look like. I’M SO EXCITED TO SHOW YOU.)

Okay, let's just get this out of the way. Everyone talks about how Audrey is a shitty person. And I’m not going to pretend that Audrey is a nice girl. She’s not. Her friendships fall to pieces at the drop of a hat. She's extremely cynical and angry (which I'll demonstrate later with my quotes! YAY QUOTES) and has basically driven all of her friends away at one point or another due to her determination to succeed. But I still love her, because I truly believe that she can be awesome. And maybe, someday, her issues will get sorted out.

From a livejournal entry way back around 2003:

I AM DONE BEING NICE. THE ONLY THING I REGRET ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL IS NOT SHOWING YOU PATHETIC FUCKS HOW MUCH HATE I HAVE FOR YOU.

And about her parents:

i love how they swear they care so much about me but in reality the only thing they care about is how i reflect upon them and make them look. they need to learn theres more to life then other peoples opinions. I love how everything i own i have worked for, the only time they even think of spending any type of money on me is if they feel bad for something they did or said. i dont think i need to reiterate the hate i have for them.

She was expelled from high school after creating a hit list on her Xanga and has constantly stated since just about forever that she absolutely DOES NOT care what anyone else thinks about her. Which is kind of counter productive to that point! And is also one of the main reasons why she fascinates me so much. THIS IS A GIRL WITH ISSUES.

But anyways. Let's get on with the pictures!

THIS IS WHAT AUDREY KITCHING USED TO LOOK LIKE. No guys, for real.

If you have a problem with me posting half-naked pictures of girls of questionable age (or even fully clothed pictures of definitely underage girls), I suggest you leave this picspam right now. And also maybe leave bandom, because: Ryan Ross. I'M JUST SAYING.

Anyways, so Audrey apparently also got kicked out of another high school for running some kind of business where she'd write people's papers for them. Her grades were pretty high and she's by no means stupid (despite what her spelling might look like) but she's kind of a perpetual fuck-up.

Okay, so her hair looks...horrible. But she’s also super pretty! She’s kind of like a lioness, because she can totally rip your throat out, but then has a lovely face! Also, if a lioness had a mane. Because that’s what her hair is.

HER HAIR, YOU GUYS, I’M SORRY. I’m trying to be informative and helpful and stuff, but oh lord. I literally went “WHOA” the first time I saw this picture. I STAND BY MY CONVICTION THAT AUDREY KITCHING USED TO BE A LIONESS. WITH A MANE. ...SO A LIONESS WITH A HORMONE PROBLEM? This just keeps getting worse the more that I talk.

SEE, SHE CONFRONTED A LEOPARD AND RIPPED IT TO SHREDS AND SLEEPS UNDER ITS FUR.

Audrey: i have come to the conclusion that my life was so awesome a year ago because i didnt give a fuck about ANYTHING.

So, okay, at some point during her clusterfuck of bad hair, Audrey met Travis Richter from From First to Last and they started dating. I could care less about Travis, so you just get two pictures of them.

I can guess from the HAIR OF DOOM that this was around 2004, but don’t quote me on that. Travis is pretty much the reason people started paying attention to Audrey. (Well, that and the fact that she would EAT YOUR FACE AND GLUE YOUR HAIR TO HER HEAD if you didn’t.)

Luckily for everyone in the world, she eventually stopped looking like a large cat/reject from an eighties hair band/poster child for halloweenwigs.com!

...it still wasn’t her Best! Hair! Ever! but we take what we can get. Don’t look a gift lion in the mouth, you know?

Gummy bears! I have this new fantasy of a huge swimming pool filled with gummy bears, and Audrey Kitching is swimming around in it! But then, maybe we shouldn’t talk about my fantasies.

LION LION SHE HAS JUST MAIMED A CREATURE I GUARANTEE IT BECAUSE SHE IS A LION.

This would be a good time to point out that I think Audrey is kind of ridiculously gorgeous! And maybe I’m making insane noises over her legs! LEGS.

Gold bikinis are incredibly popular for scene queens, apparently. They’re attracted to shiny things! Like cats! (LION LION LION)

I really love this picture for whatever reason. Audrey looks incredibly normal, which is new and different for her!

SO UH. I have this picture. This picture of Andy and Audrey. Andy Hurley and Audrey Kitching. Together. Posing. Andy and Audrey.

Yeah. The best part is, I can totally top this picture later. YOU’LL SEE.

Back to Audrey, though. So, okay, it’s around October 2005, she and a friend go to see some band on tour. You know, no big deal, they’re just this ridiculous band about a Disco.

Brendon Urie, apparently, sees Audrey and thinks she’s pretty. (Yeah, it’s nice to see Brendon has EYES.) Audrey and Brendon end up talking online, and eventually start dating.

Which basically means that one of them (BRENDON) totally asked the other (AUDREY) out over like, AIM. Dorks dorks DORKS.

Audrey won him over with lollipops, and also her hotness.

WE WILL COME BACK TO BRENDON AND AUDREY LATER, BUT FIRST LET ME SHOW YOU SOME PICTURES OF AUDREY’S HOTNESS. (...okay, and also because I have no idea when these pictures were taken, but they’re awesome, and I want to include them.)

In case you can’t tell, I’m in complete love with this photoshoot.

OKAY NOW BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED AUDREY AND BRENDON CUTENESS.

I fully believe that their relationship worked because they’re both 5 year olds on the inside.

PIRATE DORKS! EXCUSE ME WHILE I POST EIGHTY GAZILLION PIRATE DORK PICTURES.

FACE EATING! Brendon’s just lucky she’s not unleashing her lion powers.

They’re just really fucking cute, I don’t know.

But they're both so desperate for attention (HAHAHAHA SEE HOW I SLIPPED IN THE PANIC LYRIC? I'M SO CLEVER) that it couldn't have lasted. Kala said something about to me about how both of them deserve better, and I agree. They both have issues that the other one was not mature enough to handle. BUT UH, ENOUGH ABOUT HOW I THINK WAY TOO MUCH ABOUT THIS.

Plus, you know, Brendon's also a giant gaywad. That also hinders the relationship!

BUT LET'S JUST FOCUS ON THE CUTE NOW. They went to Disneyland together! ANY COUPLE THAT GOES TO DISNEYLAND TOGETHER WINS MY HEART!

HEY, HEY GUYS, REMEMBER HOW I PROMISED YOU A PICTURE BETTER THAN AUDREY AND ANDY? HERE YOU GO.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA PETE WENTZ AND AUDREY KITCHING, WHAT? Kala said they're both watching their boyfriends perform. And...yeah.

AND NOW, FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! OH MY GOD WHAT, WHO IS THAT ADORABLE BLONDE WITH BRENDON AND AUDREY?

Jac Vanek Time!

So we’ll come back to Audrey and Jac and their epic story of love and loss, but here’s some backstory on Jac!

THIS IS A BB JAC! Jac Vanek was born on May 14, 1987.

THIS IS A SLIGHTLY LESS BB JAC! Except for how she’s seriously, uh…16 years of age in this picture? Yeah. Get ready to hate yourselves!

Our girl is such a lush. BUT ALSO SMART!

please just try taking ap calculus, ap physics, ap language and composition, and sign language 4 your junior year and then come and talk to me about your hard schedule is

(I totally went back and read every single livejournal entry Jac has ever made, so expect quotes.)

Jac loves photography! I’m not even going to play guys, I love her photography. Even if it is mostly of herself. SHE’S PRETTY, SO I DON’T CARE.

I promise you guys, she’s not naked here. CHILD PORNOGRAPHY IS NOT SOMETHING I’M INTO. I'M NOT PETE WENTZ. (....I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's the easy joke, but I HAD TO.)

OH HI, THIS IS A PICTURE FROM JAC’S JUNIOR PROM.

It’s cool, you guys, we’re all going to hell together. Party!

She’s so super cute! How can you not love that faaaaace.

About Something Corporate:

call me lame and stuff but i seriously could give a shit because this is the most amazing band i have ever heard. go ahead and give me reasons why they arent but i really wont listen because music is the one thing that wont let you down and i rely on that so much

Jac pretty much loves all the music a bandslasher loves! It’s like she’s one of us, except not at all!

TEENY JAC ON WARPED TOUR! (Not the year she got kicked off. That comes later.)

At this point, she was apparently working for absolutepunk.net as a band photographer. I don’t know how long she worked there, but it’s pretty awesome that she got the job. She also mentions taking a photography class at around the same time! I DON’T KNOW HOW TO KEEP MY LOVE FOR THIS GIRL QUIET, YOU GUYS. Right now I just want to gush about how much she loves photography and music.

Anyways, so this is the year she took a bunch of pictures of various bands, including Fall Out Boy. (AND ALSO HUNG OUT WITH THEM! apologized to pete again. he told me he was thankful i was the first person that was ever nice to him in california. hes a nice boy and i miss when he didn't have so much shit to do. fob is huge and i never noticed it haha)

HAHAHAHAHA OH JOE. A++++ TO JAC FOR GIVING ME SUCH LOLZ.

Anyway, so back to Jac and how she’s incredibly, amazingly hot. Which is not what we were talking about before, but it should have been.

She’s also a ridiculous dork!

...oh god, oh god, please stop me from looking down a 17 year old girl’s dress.

So now I’d like to talk about Ryan Ross. You might say to yourself “Shay, this is 2004, and Jac and Ryan did not date until a full year later!” And you would be right. However, what you aren’t taking into account is the fact that Ryan Ross FULLY E-STALKED JAC IN 2004.

What follows is both traumatic and extraordinarily hilarious.

ex_i_amcland189
2004-04-28 04:37 pm
whoa. hot. i like your style =)
yermomlikewhoa
2004-04-28 05:16 pm
whoa. thanks! i like your icon
ex_i_amcland189
2004-04-29 05:30 pm
well thank you too!

yermomlikewhoa
2004-05-03 03:14 pm
minus the bear is one of my absolute favorites!
ex_i_amcland189
2004-05-03 04:56 pm
me toooo! i thought you were scary/mean in the first picture and then just hot in all the rest ;)
yermomlikewhoa
2004-05-03 05:42 pm
hahaha i am neither scary nor mean in the least bit!!

ex_i_amcland189
2004-05-15 10:20 am
happy birthday! from the 50th person to say it. how old ?
(Note that Jac did not bother to respond to this comment! HAHAHAHA REJECTED, RYAN ROSS.)

ex_i_amcland189
2004-06-10 11:14 am
i just did a dank ass line of coke.
hahahaha! me and my friends say shit like that. dank hahaha.
awesome pictures too- i want to put you on the cover of our record if we ever finish one =)
yermomlikewhoa
2004-06-10 08:39 pm
dank is quite possibly one of the best words invented.
along with chill.
yeah tell me whats up with that!

ex_i_amcland189
2004-06-25 08:45 pm
hey i might see you in fullerton and vegas if you see me say hi it will make my day.
yermomlikewhoa
2004-06-25 08:47 pm
pffft you say hi to me.
i'm not hard to miss!
ex_i_amcland189
2004-06-26 08:55 pm
k deal =)
yermomlikewhoa
2004-06-27 10:26 am
better do it!

ex_i_amcland189
2004-07-23 10:39 am
hey =) i saw you at warped tour in las vegas by the smartpunk stage after saosin played i think. but i was to scared to say hi =/.fall out boy dudes are awesome dudes and i think i know the texas girls that you met hmmm crazyyy
yermomlikewhoa
2004-07-23 01:22 pm the texas girls are my favorite girls everrrrrr.

ex_i_amcland189
2004-08-28 07:20 pm
doood you stole that line off my away message i know it ;)
yermomlikewhoa
2004-08-29 05:59 am
hahahah yeah and i was totally stalking you when i did it, too!
ex_i_amcland189
2004-08-29 07:12 am
i KN3W it omgzzzzz fklasjfklhsa! no but i stalk you really, whoa that was scary. i dont i swear seriously im not that creepy. but when is your website going to start up?
yermomlikewhoa
2004-08-29 02:28 pm
hahahahah you're too funny. its gonna be up as soon as my friend makes my layout. she's doing it for free so i can't like yell at her to go faster haha.
ex_i_amcland189
2004-08-29 06:37 pm
pshh.so it's NEVER going to be finished ;)
maybe you should slip her a twenty and get her ass in gear. but whenever its done it will be the COOLEST. you take the raddest pictures of bands... and yourself. man im lame, that totally sounded like a cheesy porno line
yermomlikewhoa
2004-08-30 01:12 pm
hahahahaa. it's awesome though. i want nothing more than for my site to be up. i really need it up for a number of different reasons, so it's kind of frustrating.
ex_i_amcland189
2004-08-30 06:48 pm
yea seriously, i know what you mean. i've been waiting for my friend to do my bands site for a long time too. it sucks, by now everyone forgot about us

ex_i_amcland189
2004-09-06 09:33 am
OMGEEEZ those are my boyssss well, jason is thats wierd you know them too
yermomlikewhoa
2004-09-06 10:51 am Which one is jason?
ex_i_amcland189
2004-09-11 07:07 pm
hahahaha, jay the big fat ugly bass player.

ex_i_amcland189
2004-09-12 11:59 am
the frou frou record kills.you like them right?
yermomlikewhoa
2004-09-12 12:01 pm
Yesss how amazing is it?!
ex_i_amcland189
2004-09-12 02:36 pm
soooo awesome fo sho, new faint kills too huh. and if you dont like wearing bras then just dont
yermomlikewhoa
2004-09-14 05:54 am The new Faint is beyond amazing. You must go see them!!
ex_i_amcland189
2004-09-14 11:04 am
i am! pretty soon dood cant wait, plus they are playing with beep beep dammn

ex_i_amcland189
2004-10-06 07:06 pm
hahahaha are you making fun of from first to last because you dont like them? (ihopeso)
yermomlikewhoa
2004-10-07 03:26 pm
Hahahaha we did it cause we were drunk. I dont remember doing it, but it was probably making fun of them.
ex_i_amcland189
2004-10-07 05:55 pm
hahah the kid in the middle has that sonny kid's wierd ass pose down perfectly
yermomlikewhoa
2004-10-08 04:02 pm
HAHAHAHAHA OMG I KNOW!

ex_i_amcland189
2004-10-24 07:22 pm
hahhaah. i hate when my friends try to mess when im peeing. or whatev you were doing. maybe POOO ING. haha sorry. but hey. i'd appreciate if you listened to my band. we finally got our stuff up. tell me what you think and do not lie. if it sucks it sucks. if not, thats cool too. http://www.purevolume.com/panicatthedisco
thanks
yermomlikewhoa
2004-10-24 07:27 pm
I will totally listen to you in the morning. I'm so freaking tired and I'm gonna pass out in two seconds...but I promise in the morning. =]
ex_i_amcland189
2004-10-25 07:22 am okay sounds good to mee =)

ex_i_amcland189
2004-12-14 02:58 am that band im in that you never checked out, i wrote a song about invisible monsters.
www.purevolume.com/panicatthedisco
yermomlikewhoa
2004-12-14 09:32 am
hahaa crap you caught me. i'll TRY to listen to it today!
ex_i_amcland189
2004-12-14 07:46 pm
haha k

I have no idea if Jac ever got around to listening to Panic (I’m assuming she did) or if Ryan stopped stalking her (I’m assuming he didn’t) but that’s the end of the LJ comments.

Meanwhile, Jac continued to be hot.

...intensely.

SO MAYBE I HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF A THING FOR LEGS.

But I mean, LOOK AT THEM.

But back to her awesome face!

Whenever I make an entry, I always think of something clever/interesting to say, since my journal is 99% pictures and 1% words. I can never think of anything people would actually want to read, so I always resort to jotting down a couple song lyrics. Cause really, no one wants to hear me talk

Asdfhghgkjlj;

A funny thing, the mind is. It's funny how 48 hours ago I was having breakdowns every hour. It's funny how every thought was the same thing. Every thought, a new crack, a new punch. Kicking myself when I'm down, right? But the truth of the matter is there's only so far you can break before you have to get yourself back together. It's funny how one simple conversation with my best friend changed everything. Just to laugh. Just to live. Just to be free.

Basically I get $5,500 a year or something, which is equivalent to a year for free. My mom and I go to the website to check it out, and it's the "most prestigious of all scholarships at UCLA and is only awarded to the top 1.5% of students" blahblahblah. Hell, I'm not gonna complain

(This girl is seriously intelligent, you guys, I have no idea why anyone assumes otherwise.)

Ghetto Jactastic! (...I just had a bit of sugar, I'm sorry.)

Pete and Patrick randomly love her!

Pete & Patrick came and picked me up cause their studio is by Rami's place. Russ comes outside and makes the biggest fool of himself. Pete & Patrick are straight edge hahaha. "Lets have a group hug and pretend Jac's not here." Most amazing thing ever. "My favorite color is blue. And your hair is blonde but not real."

Haha Pete makes me watch the Fall Out Boy ex-DVD stuff. With home made movies of his and Patricks hahahahaa. But with the worst headache of my life, I wanted to pass out. Tried to order food from Pink Dot but their 4980936 computers wouldn't work. Pete tried to take artistic pictures of Patrick watching Prince DVDs. Ha. Pete made me watch Licence to Drive & a bunch of other pointless movies. Hah. I love Pete.

Also, Jac is responsible for us having this:

Which was sent to her Sidekick and then posted in her LJ. THANK YOU, JAC VANEK!

Jac is sad that people seem to hate her so much! JUST BECAUSE Y’ALL ARE JEALOUS OF JAC’S FRIENDS IS NO REASON TO POUR GALLONS OF HATERADE ALL OVER HER HEAD.

I’M PRETTY SURE SHE WAS 18 AT THIS POINT, GUYS! THREE CHEERS.

Senior prom dress! I no longer feel guilt at this point! Morals mean NOTHING to me!

I want to play dress-up with Jac so much, you guys, like...it hurts my soul to realize I'll never be able to. DRESS-UP IS SERIOUS BUSINESS.

So, summer of 2005, Jac gets a job at Warped Tour! Annnnd...about a week later gets kicked off for underage drinking. OOPS. She was pretty upset about it, but also awesome!

Talk all the shit you want, but this tour meant a lot to me. It was the best experience of my life...the places, the people, the relationships, the atmosphere. You're living in a fantasy world where you can forget about regular life and all of its worries for the time being. But whatever, everything happens for a reason, right?

Life goes on! Jac goes off to college! Because she's awesome and smart like that.

And continues to work on her photography! I LOVE THIS PICTURE SO MUCH. It should be noted here that despite the many, many pictures of and with cigarettes that all three of these girls (THREE, YOU GUYS, I STILL HAVE HANNA BETH LEFT OH GOD) have taken, none of them actually smoke.

Important person alert! This is Alysia, one of Jac’s best friends and a key player in the end of the Jac/Audrey friendship later on.

I do not like Alysia very much. Her face is strange, and also, JAC AND AUDREY >>>>> JAC AND ALYSIA.

ANDY IS POSSIBLY A GIANT SCENE QUEEN WHORE, YOU GUYS, JESUS.

OH MY GOD, WHAT, WHO IS THIS DUDE WITH A JAC HEART ON HIS WRIST?

So, I don’t know if Jac and Ryan kept in touch at all since his stalker days, but I do know that Jac went to the 2005 Halloween show and met Ryan there. The next day she posts this:
...he kissed me.
And posts: ryan ross has a girlfriend. by the 14th of November.

RYAN HEART! God they're precious.

SPOOOOONS. OKAY, I COULD EXPLAIN WHY THIS FILLS ME WITH SHEER GLEE, BUT I THINK IT WOULD MAKE YOU ALL WANT TO SHOOT ME OR SOMETHING.

So Jac and Ryan are kind of the most adorable couple ever? Little kisses! SPOONS! Writing on themselves! THEY REMIND ME SO VERY MUCH OF ANOTHER AMAZING COUPLE THAT I KNOW *COUGH* *COUGH*

But back to something useful! I think it’s safe to assume that Jac and Audrey met through their boyfriends. From myspace:

Jac: you like panic at the disco? ummm...lamest band ever. worst dudes ever too. watch out for those STDs.
Audrey: yeah... i feel bad for who ever dates them :/ hahaai8eyhjnm

And from Jac’s LJ:

Two weeks until I get to see my babyyyyyyy. And not let go of him for a week (or never if I have my way). Two weeks until Audrey and Jac take over the worrrrrlllld. Watch out and get ready to hate on us more than you ever had before. doubledatezz&winterformalSUPERDUO2k5.

So, for two weeks in December 2005, Jac and Ryan and Brendon and Audrey (and sometimes Alysia) hung out and basically made my life.

Sick and still adorableeee.

OH HI GIRLS. YEAH, I'M GOING TO BE OBSESSED WITH YOU KIND OF A RIDICULOUS AMOUNT, IS THAT COOL? AWESOME.

"IDK, OUR BOYFRIENDS HAVE MORE RIDICULOUS HAIR THAN WE DO."

(This is a good time to mention that Audrey is a freelance hair stylist! That's her major job other than modeling. This has been your random Audrey fact of the moment.)

Yeah, Kala and I totally wound up getting some watermelon vodka because of this picture. WHAT. JUST WHAT.

Jac and Ryan’s relationship ended in January of 2006 (I don't know why) and Audrey and Brendon’s ended around March (Still don't know. There are a lot of rumors, but they're just the usual rumors. Cheating, he had a small dick, whatever) but the girls continued to be (amazing, gorgeous) friends.

Part 1 continued!

Scene Queen Primer continued! AIEEEEEEEE.

shaymeless7@gmail.com — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 23:13:19 GMT

Back to the first part!

SO, HERE IS MY JAC AND AUDREY FANGIRL SECTION

Oh god, I’m not going to try and put these in any kind of order or try to talk about how much they seriously mean to me, because it’ll just become incredibly apparent how much I fangirl their friendship, and I think the quotes justify it more than any kind of flailing will.

(Just a quick review of the timeline though: Jac and Audrey were friends from November 2005-June 2006.)

Audrey: iloveyouimissyouineedyoustrongestgirlever
Jac: you know that i love you more than anything ever, right?
yinyang i need you.
fucking so over this bullshit. all i need is you

Audrey: ahh jac i miss you so much :( soon i need you <3 im always here for you and always will be
Jac: i know you are. you mean the world to me aud. you know we're in it together no matter what happens. me and you. you and me.

Audrey: god i love you so much. we will dominate. and i would bey mt life on it.
Jac: i need my bad speller other half back now. i need yinyang. lets get some sushi k?

Jac: i need you for these next couple days. i love you.

Jac: holyshit. i did not know that karma thing was in your profile. thats so fucking strange. whats up yinyang think exactly alike. lets hope karma does eat him alive, though.
i love you. keep me strong.
Audrey: kill me today jac please i need right rigt noe more then you can imagine we need eather fuck money aznd fuck distabnce :(

Jac: Audrey get here too. I need you. Anime&porcelaindoll photoshoots.”

Jac: stay strong today. you know you can do it.
and you know you always have me to fall back on.

Jac: everyone else is only temporary.
i only need you.
ihatethisaudrey.
Audrey: im building a teleport so when we need each other its super easy

Jac: she's the yin to my yang. we're the same person but we're completely opposite. escaped a videoshoot (literally ran a mile down the hollywood hills). who does that? she says one word and i know exactly what song she's talking about.
Audrey: i have no tone and dont know the words to the songs so i make them up and she knows exactly the one i want to hear.

Jac: i love you. so much.
im so happy you are happy.
my loveeeee. =]
Audrey: start looking for temp ying yang tattoos now. hells ganna break loose
fuck i love you!

DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHY I WEAR SUCH A TINHAT FOR THESE GIRLS?

Jac: Audrey has been here for a week and basically Hanna, Aud and I have been attached at the hips ever since

OH SNAP, HAVE I HIT HANNA BETH? SWEET.

Hanna Beth Merjos!
You know the drill by now. Some backstory on Hanna Beth, and then we'll get back to her friendship with Audrey and Jac. HERE WE GO!

Yeah, this is one of the oldest pictures I have of her. She might be 15 here! Then again, let's pretend like I didn't say that! MY ABILITY TO FEEL GUILT IS MAYBE COMING BACK.

Hanna Beth Merjos was born on August 24, 1988. Which makes her a year older than me. Which makes me laugh so hard I cry, a little!

I'm pretty sure she grew up in California. Her dad owns a GIGANTIC production company (which you can read more about here: http://hsiproductions.com/About.htm)

She kind of looks like she's in a lesbian threesome here! MAYBE SHE IS. YOU DON’T KNOW.

….it’s just like a bikini. It totally is. I cannot possibly be put in jail for this. Probably.

BUNNIES!

I don't know when she decided to get into modeling or why, but I approve!

I SHOULD PROBABLY STOP POSTING ALL THE HALF-NAKED PICTURES OF HANNA BETH. I can’t help it, though, she’s incredibly hot.

GOLD BIKINI GOLD BIKINI SHINY! (Remember when I used to be coherent?)

I couldn't ask for anything more at the moment.
And even though I seek to fix my imperfections,
I am slowly learning to deal with them,
and turn them into something beautiful.

My outfits never match,
but I think its better that way.

Toys! Hanna Beth loves toys, and cute things, and cupcakes. This is why we are soulmates. Wait, what? THAT JUST SLIPPED OUT.

why do i find myself walking down sunset at 6 in the morning when no one is out and the only sound i hear is my footsteps. where is everyone? i'm not tired. i sit in the car listening to coldplay while ray sleeps in the back with a sleeping bag. i start thinking, i never stop thinking.

Hanna Beth is a chameleon! I’m not going to lie, I literally could not find her the first time I looked at this picture. Shut up. I’ve had a long day.

I am a strong girl, and I will be fighting my way through till the bitter end.

A lot of these pictures are from late 2006! Shhh, don’t tell. My ability to stick to a timeline is nonexistent. I WILL GET BACK TO HER AND JAC AND AUDREY, I PROMISE.

ANIMAL MASKS? She fits right into bandom canon, you guys.

I love her so much! She's gorgeous and happy and like, always upbeat and positive, which is not something you can say for Jac and Audrey. IT'S LIKE SHE'S THE CHEER FAIRY.

LEGS LEGS LEGS BOOTS AND LEGS!

SHE’S TOTALLY 18 AT THIS POINT, GUYS. I think. GO AHEAD AND WRITE FIC ABOUT HOT HANNA BETH/RANDOM GIRL ACTION.

See! 18th birthday shenanigans.

Yes, that is TOTALLY Trace Cyrus at Hanna’s birthday party. A year and a half before they started dating! I have no idea how they met or how long they’ve known each other, but it’s pretty cool. MAYBE HER FATHER PRODUCED A BILLY RAY CYRUS VIDEO. IDK, DID BILLY RAY CYRUS HAVE ANY SONGS OTHER THAN ACHY BREAKY HEART?

So, okay, let's go back in time. Wheee! What fun! Judging by this picture, I’d say Audrey and Hanna Beth have known each other a while.

So let’s just assume that Audrey introduced Hanna Beth to Jac! Okay? It makes complete sense.

And they all became besties and took adorable pictures and lived happily ever after! ...please?

Sidekick ladies! Sometimes I try to hide behind my phone, and then I realize I am not a tiny adorable scene queen. Also I don’t have a sidekick. Also, I’m a moron.

Jac: hanna makes me happyyyyy

I for one squeal in delight whenever these girls flip me off. YES, I WOULD INDEED LIKE TO GET FUCKED BY YOU. (Oh come on, like that's a surprise to anyone reading this.)

ENTER JEFFREE STAR. I do not like Jeffree Star all that much. This is mostly because he’s a douchebag. I think he was Jac's friend first, seeing as how she mentioned him in the beginning of 2006, and introduced him to Hanna and Audrey. Or possibly Audrey knew him and introduced him to Jac who introduced him to Hanna? Piecing things together is so hard. It's like a sexy puzzle with pieces missing. And maybe some pieces are melted, or someone dropped cookie dough on them, and it's all just a hot mess.

Show me your grillz! Or, okay, just your normal teeth. That’s good too. EXCEPT FOR HOW IT ISN’T, I WANT GRILLZ. Do I look like a tooth fairy to you?

So, okay, life is super good and everyone’s happy. Kind of.

Jac: i fucking miss when it was good.
Audrey: :( iloveu

And then something very complicated happened that no one has ever really explained, but Jac and Audrey fell apart. Audrey had apparently been telling lies or talking about Alysia and possibly Jac behind their backs, and everyone found out and got pissed off. Jac and Audrey haven’t spoken since. Hanna Beth chose to stay friends with Audrey instead of Jac (UNTIL RECENTLY, DUHN DUHN DUHN!) and life went on. Except for how my heart has a giant hole in it. God, I'm still waiting for these girls to wake up and realize they need each other.

On to Part Two!

you fit in my scene

shaymeless7@gmail.com — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 21:42:26 GMT

So I recently saw a bandom secret thing or whatever about people losing respect for anyone with a scene queen icon or layout. Which made me angry! And also sad. And made me want to talk about why I love Audrey Kitching. And made me want to address a few other things I've seen.

This is probably going to be really disjointed! Here is an outline of what I'm going to be talking about today (because I'm a big dork and also it might help you decide whether you're going to read it or not.)

-What I Mean When I Say I Love Scene Queens (And Bandom People In General)
-Why I'm Not Saying You're A Bad Feminist If You Don't Love Them
-Why I Think You Kind of Suck If You Think Being a Groupie Makes You A Bad Person

Okay, so.

What I Mean When I Say I Love Scene Queens (And Bandom People In General)

I love Audrey Kitching. I love Jac Vanek. I love Hanna Beth.

And the thing is, I don't think people actually understand what that means for me. When I say I love Audrey, for instance, I think a lot of people assume I love her because she dated Brendon or has pink hair or because she's pretty and I'm shallow. And...that's not true. That's why I started being interested in her, but I love Audrey Kitching because I stalk her like fucking crazy. I love her because of her friendship with Jac. I stalked their journals and read their comments to each other and that's what I base my opinions on. I read her buzznet at least once a week. I watch her videos, read her little journals, save her pictures. And yes, I am completely aware that she can be a shitty person. Just like I'm aware that Brendon Urie can be a douchebag. Just like I'm aware that I can be a bitch.

I think Audrey is severely messed up, but I love her so much because of that. She fascinates me. Because, I'm sorry, but this girl is not some soulless fiend out to ruin other people's lives. She has to have feelings. She has to care about something. It's interesting to me, to study her like that. I might just be a ridiculous optimist, but I honestly do believe in people having depth, and layers, and a good side. I view Audrey in very much the same way I view Blair from Gossip Girl. I love her for being imperfect.

So I love these girls just like I love the boys. I know Pete Wentz messes up and does stupid things and I can hear that Ryan cheated on Keltie and still love Ryan Ross. And maybe that's ridiculous to you. To still love someone even after they do something horrible. But I don't know. It's not idol worship, to me. I don't have many illusions about these people. I think they're just people with many, many flaws, and they're just trying to live, and I respect them for it. I love them for it. I love Audrey and Jac and Hanna Beth for being young and having fun and living their lives the way they want to. And I love them for messing up, and for being complex.

Why I'm Not Saying You're A Bad Feminist If You Don't Love The Girls

Okay, so I know...nothing about feminism. My basic rule of life is "Everyone deserves equal treatment" and that's about it. I consider myself a feminist in that way, but everyone seems to have a different definition about feminism, so. Whatever. It's not something I think about. If you hate Audrey Kitching because she's kind of a shitty person, fine. If you hate Keltie because you're annoyed by the way she acts, fine! There are people that hate Pete Wentz too, but as long as they don't think less of me for loving him, I don't typically have problems with that. It bothers me a LOT that so much of the hatred seems to come from ignorance, but. If people want to hate Jac Vanek because they think all she does is take pictures, I guess all I can do is continue to point out that they're wrong, and hope that it changes.

But like. If you hate Audrey Kitching because you think she's a slut, I do have a problem with that. It makes you the kind of person I don't care to know. What it says about your feminism is up for you to decide.

Why I Think You Kind of Suck If You Think Being a Groupie Makes You A Bad Person

So the thing is, I think it's possible to have a ton of sex and still respect yourself. Hell, I think it's possible to have meaningless sex with five different people a week and still respect yourself. I think it's possible to pose in Playboy, be a porn star, or even be a prostitute and still have dignity and poise and intelligence.

You might not completely agree with my views on sex, which is fine, but to actually hate someone for being a groupie or for being a call girl or having sex more often than you do? To think that promiscuity equals being a bad person? I don't agree with that, and I think it makes you judgmental and a little bit of a douche.

I don't think Audrey is a groupie, and I don't think Jac is a groupie, and even if they are...I don't understand why that's so wrong. Because I'm willing to bet a ton of people in bandom, myself included, would gladly have sex with these band dudes. Unless you hate all of us too, you're just being stupid.

That was basically just an unfocused rant, and while there's always more I'm willing to say about these girls, this is where I'm going to leave it. I know I don't ever get my point across the way I want to, but basically what I'm saying is: this is why I'm able to love scene queens, and while I never need for anyone on my flist to feel the same way, I kind of ridiculously want everyone to remember that these girls are just people. Just like anyone else. And I always want to try to make people examine their opinions and think about what they're saying or why they think a certain way. That's nice too!

And going back to the thing that started all of this, I really really hope that everyone on my friends list doesn't lose respect for me because of the way I feel about scene queens. That would make me the saddest Shay ever.

hey hey it's a pooooll! and it's just polling around! it's too busy questioning to put anybody down!

shaymeless7@gmail.com — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 03:43:38 GMT

So I have my poll! I'd love you guys forever if you fill it out. It's a bunch of bandslash and bandslash related albums that I love in some way or another, and I just want to know what you guys think about them. It's....kind of ridiculous! And in no way a complete list! Here you go!

And this is how it goes.

View Poll: I don't know what to call this poll!

View Poll: Also....

Thanks guys!

how long till the music drowns you out

shaymeless7@gmail.com — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 05:13:19 GMT

HEY REMEMBER WHEN I SAID I HAD THINGS TO TALK ABOUT? STILL DO. WELCOME TO THE RANT...

1. It bothers the fuck out of me that people still assume Jac Vanek does nothing other than take pictures of herself. Because she IS in college, and she does have to maintain her GPA, and she's running a business, all of which means she's DOING THINGS OTHER THAN PARTYING AND YOU'D KNOW THAT IF YOU'D TAKE A SECOND TO LEARN. And honestly, even if she did nothing, why exactly does that make her worthless? I do way less than she does. I don't have my own business or go to college. But I drink. I take random crappy pictures of myself and post them online. GUESS THAT MEANS I FAIL AT LIFE.

2. I swear to god, the next time I see "LOL I know personal posts/posts about your life/etc. are boring, but here I am making one!" I am going to shoot a baby. THANKS, THANKS FOR TELLING ME THAT 90% OF POSTS THAT I MAKE, THAT MY FRIENDS MAKE, THAT MOST PEOPLE ON LJ MAKE ARE COMPLETELY BORING AND WORTHLESS. Also, does everyone really hate them? Really now? LAST TIME I CHECKED, I AM PART OF EVERYONE, AND I DON'T.

3. Also, I'm truly sorry that I keep commenting on your posts when you clearly don't want me to. It would actually be better if you ignored my comments instead of making bored replies that make it seem like you seriously wish I'd shut up. That's real nice. And classy!

4. Hating Ryan Ross is not a valid lifestyle choice anymore. Things have changed for him, but that's okay.

5. Speaking of hate. If you seriously hate everything about me and Kala, or if you think we're not going to make it, or if you roll your eyes every single time I post about her? You're probably better off defriending me right now. This isn't a ship that's going to crash and burn, so please don't bother sticking around to watch the wreckage. I'd hate to disappoint you.

6. And to bookend this with a scene queen thing: You hate Audrey Kitching because you're exactly like her in some ways. Only less awesome. Sorry to say.

Wow, rants. Uh, that's not all about one person, and some are kind of general. That's all the drama I've got right now, though! IT FEELS NICE TO TALK ABOUT IT. Thnks fr th thrpy, flist!

then you ROCK OUT THE SHOW

shaymeless7@gmail.com — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 20:00:55 GMT

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD, WHAT, KALA AND I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE METRO STATION'S GUITARIST WHO WE MADE FUN OF FOR LOOKING LIKE AN UNFORTUNATE COMBINATION OF PETE WENTZ AND RYAN ROSS IS ACTUALLY HANNAH MONTANA'S FOR REAL OLDER BROTHER.

I'm sorry if you don't find this as AMAZINGLY HILARIOUS as we do, but I am dying.

UNCUT PHOTO PROOF HERE. SORRY BUT, YEAH.

And if that's not weird enough, the lead singer for Metro Station is Mitchel Musso's brother, who plays Oliver on Hannah Montana. THE REASON THE WHOLE FUCKING BAND WAS STARTED IS BECAUSE OF HANNAH MONTANA, GUYS.

Wow.

break my nerve, offer me their arms

shaymeless7@gmail.com — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 22:52:49 GMT

It occurs to me that people are possibly going to get really pissed off at me for my last post. And they're probably not going to say anything about it to me, actually, but they might talk about how stupid I am to other people. And that's bizarre, for me. It's strange to me when people actually like, really like me, but it's always even stranger when they don't. Except for a few notable examples where I did some really shitty things, I've always been a pretty mediocre person. I'm not especially awesome or original, I don't usually form enough of an important opinion about things to stand up and talk about them. I've never been sure of my own worth as a person, other than I'm essentially good and that I do deserve respect. So, realizing that I could maybe cause some kind of extreme reaction is bizarre. Realizing I could cause disdain, even, is bizarre.

journaltypos brought up an interesting point today because she's awesome like that. She asked me why I care so much. If I know Audrey is a horrible person, why do I care that people hate her? If she's essentially unlikeable, then why does it matter why people dislike her? And I had to start thinking about that, but in the end....the answer was easy. Maybe I'm just naive, but I do believe there are reasons to hate someone that are essentially wrong. And this is a really stupid way to prove a point, but. Okay. Let me bring up Brendon Urie, again. There are plenty of reasons not to like him, at this point in time. His disrespect for women, his drug habits, whatever. Perfectly valid. But if somebody starts disliking him because he grew up Mormon, for example, or because he enjoys anal sex....those are not valid reasons, to me. Religion. Race. Sexuality, which is both relating to sexual preference and harmless sexual habits. I don't think it's right to judge someone for these. This is just something I believe in.

And just because someone is a horrible human being doesn't mean the rules of decency go out the window. It's never okay to have a double standard the way fandom does. Brendon can run around half-naked on stage, feel himself up, and that's totally okay with you, but Audrey takes some pictures in a bikini top and that's not? Let's apply the rules fairly, or not at all. I know life doesn't work like this. But that doesn't mean I'm going to stop believing that it should.

I know I'm not expressing this well at all. And I should seriously just stop talking about it, because I'm 18 years old, I barely contribute to fandom, and my opinions honestly don't mean much. They aren't well formulated, I can barely explain exactly what it is that makes me so passionate about this. But...it is my journal. And if I can't explain in some shaky way here that what people are saying doesn't sit right with me, where the hell else can I do it?

HAHAHAHAHAHA GOD GUYS, REMEMBER WHEN I USED TO TALK ABOUT LIFE?

there might not be too many who would stand beside you now

shaymeless7@gmail.com — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 06:31:44 GMT

Okay, so my girlfriend is making a post about certain bandom girls and their contributions to world/society/whatever, which inspired me to read some recent posts about scene queens. And oh lord, did my blood begin to boil.

So, hi, this is a rant. An uncut rant, because, yeah, I think this is important enough to share. This is primarily about Jac and Audrey, because I know the most about them and care the most about them and if that makes me biased, well, that's okay by me.

So. First, let me say that I am by no means saying that you have to like these girls. There are plenty of good reasons not to like them (and by them I mostly mean Audrey). What I am saying is that there are some severely fucked up reasons I've seen given for NOT liking them, and I'd like to address these reasons.

"I don't respect girls who use their looks to get by"/"base entire careers on looks"
Okay! I understand that. I personally have no beef with the modeling industry, I think plenty of models work their asses off, and there are plenty of other careers that don't require a ton of brainpower. If you really just hate that sort of job, that's up to you. But in relation to Audrey Kitching, I've noticed people hating on aspects of her that have to do with her as a model, not modeling in general, so for the purpose of this, let's say that modeling as a career doesn't really bother you. So what is it about Audrey's career that pisses you off? Is it the image she uses, the pink hair? If she were a plus-sized model, would this even be an issue? Why not? It's the exact same thing. It's using a certain image to get noticed and sell something. I see Audrey get a ton of shit for being so skinny. That bothers me SO MUCH. I have a ton of pictures of a much younger Audrey because I'm creepy like that, and guess what, guys. She's always been a tiny little thing. It's just the way she's built! I would probably guess that I weigh two times her weight, no joke, and you know what? That doesn't give me the right to hate her. Unless she's starving herself for the specific purpose of getting ahead in modeling, there is nothing wrong with being skinny. I see a ton of people love Jamia instantly for being "real girl" shaped. Uh, guys? Audrey Kitching is a real girl. Real girls come in all shapes and sizes. Judging someone based on their weight either way is a shitty thing to do and I'd like it to stop.

Another thing I see Audrey get flack for is putting too much importance on being internet famous. I'm sorry, I don't know if you guys have noticed this, but the internet is pretty fucking important in this day and age. A major issue in the writer's strike is that they aren't getting compensated for internet downloads. Panic At the Disco got discovered because Pete found their music on the internet. The internet is a fantastic way to promote yourself. And that's exactly what Audrey's doing. She's posting pictures of her work as a model so she'll get more work. I don't see what's wrong with that, exactly, or why it's really different from a photographer posting pictures of their work so people will hire them.

Speaking of photographers! It's time to talk about Jac now, and why this argument doesn't really apply to her. I see a lot of people assuming that all she does is take pictures of herself, for whatever reason. This is vastly untrue. Jac takes a lot of pictures because photography is a hobby and an interest. I take a ton of pictures of myself too, mostly because it's a lot of fun. There's nothing really wrong with that. You know what else Jac does? She goes to college, on a scholarship, and is required to maintain her grades. She parties and has fun and is basically just a normal girl. The argument that she "does nothing" or "gets by with her looks" doesn't really apply her, unless her looks are somehow magically getting her a 4.0.

"They wear too much makeup"/"too little clothing"/"don't respect themselves"
Oh boy. This...literally makes me foam at the mouth. It's basically saying "they don't respect themselves because they use their faces to display some funky art and walk around in revealing clothing." First of all, I thought we left that kind of thinking behind a long time ago. Second of all, this exact argument could be said about Ryan Ross. And I NEVER hear anyone debating whether Ryan Ross respects himself because he paints his face or camwhored half-naked in a bathroom. Guys can show off their bodies and be labeled confident. Girls take pictures in bikinis and get labeled insecure, or sluts. "She can't respect herself, look what she's wearing." You know what? If I had a body like Jac's, I'd take pictures of myself too! She's gorgeous, her body is lovely, and if she wants to show it off, who are we to tell her "That makes you less than us." If I'm taking pictures of myself in a cute bra, does that make me less intelligent than you? Does that make me not respect myself? Fuck that. If you have a problem with me wearing a low-cut shirt, if you have a problem with me loving how I look, if you have a problem with my sexual life, then that is your fucking problem and I don't want to hear about it. I know who I am. Maybe you want to read this and then get back to me.

Or better yet, get the fuck out of my journal. I don't want you here. What these girls choose to post online has nothing to do with whether they respect themselves or not. Don't you dare assume that it makes them less of a woman, or less of a human being. I've never seen them state anywhere that brains are unimportant, that men are better than women, or anything that people seem to assume.

*breathes*

"They don't actually do anything, not the way Alicia/Lyn-Z/etc. do"
Fair enough about Lyn-Z, these girls most certainly aren't in a band. But let's talk about Alicia for a second. Yes, she used to tech on Warped Tour and work in the music scene, yes, she's awesome. I love Alicia, but I haven't seen much of what she's been doing lately other than being Mikey Way's wife. And let's not pretend like quite a few of us would know who she is if she wasn't connected to Mikey or Pete. There's nothing wrong with either of those things, to me, and to be honest...it's not a hell of a lot different from Jac or Audrey. And if you want to see exactly what it is that these girls do, head over to my girlfriend's awesome post/picspam here. It's about Jac, Audrey, Keltie, and Ashlee, the girls fandom seem to hate the absolute most, and why we need to stop saying "they contribute nothing".

I'll sum it up for you here, too. Jac is a student at UCLA, Audrey models and styles hair. If you want to talk about them not doing anything or not working hard, check the facts out first. Jac maintains a 4.0 and has for a few years now. That takes time, effort, brains, and a hell of a lot of studying. Audrey, whatever you might think of her chosen professions, sounds pretty ecstatic in her Buzznet journal when she finally gets to get a few days off. Modeling is work, and she does it full time. She's not just sitting around in a computer chair all day taking pictures of herself. If you want to argue the merits of what these girls do, be it student, wife, bass player, model, whatever, that's a different story. But they all are committed to their jobs. And maybe before you judge them for not contributing anything to fandom, you should remember that these girls did not sign up to be musicians. Audrey Kitching and Jac Vanek did not come here to make you dance tonight, they aren't here to provide music for you. And just because they aren't involved in the music that we all love doesn't mean they aren't doing something worthwhile that we can enjoy or respect them for.

And what exactly are you doing in life that allows you to say "Being a student isn't good enough. It doesn't mean enough. Photography isn't a worthy profession. Styling hair for a living obviously means you have no brains, why aren't you doing something worthy?" Let's talk about that. Let's talk about artists. Let's talk about people who do your hair for a living. Let's talk about people who work on cars for a living. Let's talk about how fandom gets so high and mighty as to actually judge people for taking what they love to do and turning it into a career. Isn't that the fucking American dream? If you could sit around talking about fandom all day and get paid for it, who the hell wouldn't jump at that chance? I think it's time to stop judging people based on their careers and start examining them as people. Their personalities, how they come across in videos. That should be the way you form your opinions.

"I don't think I'd like to hang out with them in person"
Okay! Totally valid point. I wouldn't want to hang out with Audrey either, she seems like a bitch. (ETA a year later: Okay, having met her in person, she was actually totally sweet and seems much less like a bitch now than she used to.)But she is a fascinating person who I'd love to read fic about. Just like Brendon Urie.

"I don't care about them because they don't make music and that's what I'm here for"/"don't know anything about them"
Awesome! Carry about your business. Different strokes and all that jazz.

Mostly, what I'm trying to accomplish with this post is to make you reconsider your opinions, or realize that maybe you were a bit uninformed to begin with. I'm not saying you have to like these girls at all! I'm just saying, it's time to stop judging them for living the lives they choose to live.

Rant over!

I hope I don't get hate mail for this. But discussion is more than welcome!